My sisters are just like sheep. If one of them says, "buy this!", they all march out and buy it. Except Ann is usually the one who propagates this mania and gets everyone else to buy some worthless piece of merchandise, and by the time everyone else has all gone out and bought it, Ann has decided she doesn't want to buy it after all.
Let us take the Roncoe Rotisserie of Set it and Forget it fame for example. For a brief period, chicken rotisserie mania set in. I remember when Velna and I went up to Preston to see Liz and Ron and they proudly presided over two properly trussed birds as they rotated themselves into splended states of rotisseriness. Judy dissembled for years claiming she had one when everyone knew she didn't. Some where she will pay for this dissemblement. I suckered into this epidemic and bought one, with splendid visions of perfectly rotiserried chicken, steaks, salmon, kabobs, etc., etc. As far as I remember, we may have rotisseried three fowls. It took half an hour to truss them up properly, haul the monster machine out of the pantry, and turn it on, watching the spit turn round and round and round. The chicken itself was fine but then it took two hours to scrub up the rotisserie. I figure my three Roncoe rotisseried birds cost a mere 75 bucks apiece or some such amount. The solution? Pay 5 bucks at Costco for a perfectly wonderful rotisseried chicken and put the rotisserie in the store room. For five bucks, two people can eat for weeks. First, you pick a little chicken off for a couple of sandwiches. Then you chew on the thighs, drumsticks, and wings. Then you make some other dish like chicken enchiladas. Then you berl up the carcass for broth, chuck in some frozen noodles, and eat chicken and noodles for approximately two weeks. All for five bucks and you don't have to clean up the stupid rotisserie. But if you are enamored with the Music Man con man who peddles these things with his adoring audience chanting "set it and forget it," I will sell you mine cheap. As far as I know, all of my sisters' rotisseries have met a tragic fate. But maybe we have all been too dumb to see the potential here.
Now my sisters didn't connive to get me to buy a pressure cooker and a bread machine. I did those deeds myself. I pressure cooked one roast and one batch of pea soup. My wife kept saying, "What is the advantage to that?" "You can roast a roast in a short time and berl some pea soup in a jiffy anyway, and besides, what else do you have to do that is so important that you need your roast or your pea soup in a few minutes instead of an hour or two? I just took my pressure cooker down to the store room.
We did use our bread machine quite a bit when we had more family at home. Bread machine bread is wonderful when it is first baked. But after three or four fresh slices, the loaf sits around and turns to stone and no one ever eats the rest of it. So the bread machine is now headed for the store room. Maybe I'll try one more loaf first.
I know Ann has been like Eve and the apple on several other occasions of sending her sisters scurrying to the stores or to Amazon.com or to DI to get something she has had a current inspiration about, but my brain has fogged in these regards. Perhaps others can fill us in on these multitudinous details. Why is it we have never learned, however? Irregardless [sic] of how many times we have listened to Ann peddle something to us, we still go out and buy whatever her current fascination is? Why is that?
Currently we have the Vintage Sewing Book Saga. A sad story beyond all human imagination. Ann finds this book about how to sew 100 year old underwear and convinces her sisters to all buy the book. Then someone paid for them and mailed them out and now nobody is smart enough to figure out how the heck much anyone owes anyone else or who mailed what to whom or who paid postage. Meanwhile we have burned up 41 comments on what is supposed to be a dignified family history blog with total, utter nonsense. No wonder Congress is so screwed up if we highly educated Blood family members have no idea how to do addition, subtraction, and long division. Why would anyone want a vintage sewing book? What if I suggested we all buy an economic analysis book so we could correct all of our mistaken notions and understand Supply and Demand? How many would buy it? Besides, there is an element of gender discrimination here in spending so much time, energy, computer space, and continual click click clicks to see if some robot has added the next comment to an inane list of previous comments about a book about old ladies underwear. What a sad commentary. Mother would be appalled that her children do not have anything better to do, that they do not know how to do arithmetic, and that they don't buy a treadle sewing machine to make real stuff with. I have worn myself totally out with the effort required to write this epic piece. I hope I have shed light and inspiration on these important subjects.
14 comments:
Wrong, wrong, wrong! I called Ann when I found the Vintage Sewing book and we both checked it out on Amazon, and came to the wonderful decision that for the sisterhood, the book was a perfect gift, even when presented to oneself for one's birthday. You've got to spread the glory around a little bit. And, if you don't want another blog posting that nets you 41 comments, then don't be so controversial. It's true, Ann was at our inaugural Ronco Rotissierre initiation - she showed Ron how to truss up the birds. Cleaning the thing was a bear. We bought ours at Western Washington State Fair after we were at a friend's house in Washington, where they presented us with some beautiful fish. How about the Vita-Mix? There must be more! Just remember, what goes around, comes around.
The Vita Mix is great. We use that a lot. It purees the daylights out of everything. You were a little slow.
Heck no, I had mine before you did. Shall we duel?
I didn't mean slow on the Vita Mix. I meant slow on commenting, as I posted at 7:00 and it took you a full half hour to rise to the occasion. Of course you have everything before I have it. I have always been deprived. What is on page 41?
Look, I don't have time to play on the blog. I have important work to do. But someone one convinced me to buy wool jackets. I currently have close to 30 jackets hanging in the closet with the purchase price range of 99 cents to $5. Colors are white, black, tan, yellow, willow green, navy, light blue, teal, pink, lavender, purple, dark green, brown plaid, etc. That doesn't count all of the ones I took apart and carefully folded the pieces and placed in a box. I have not used one piece of wool.....yet. But I'm sure that I will someday. Was it Ann? Or Elizabeth?
And, yes, I did have a Roncoe Rotisserie for a short while. I never used it so I did not have to wash it.
See what happens when "someone" feels left out? However, with a brand new, touch screen slow cooker, I would say life must be quite good for him. But I do have a question. Why are you putting that stuff in the basement? Take it to DI for a tax credit, and then you can go buy something else that would be wonderful and it just might open a whole new world for you. Case in point (whatever that means) - Look into a little hand held page scanner (PS4100 to be exact), tuck it in your purse, backpack, or whatever and then when you are sitting in the Drs. office you can scan the recipes you are sure you need, and you no longer have to quietly attempt to tear out the page from the magazine or copy the recipe onto your utility bill in your purse, pocket, or book where it was used as a book mark. It uses an SD card so when you get home you just hook it up to your computer and download all of the wonderful treasures you found.
Also, if I come and teach you how to make bread, you will NEED to buy a Bosch mixer, so start looking for a bargain (unless you already have one).
And, by the way, you do know that bread will keep a whole lot longer if you store it in a plastic bag, right?
Just a quick PS - Aren't you glad you have been saved from living in the dark ages by sisters who lovingly keep you up to date on the latest and greatest "stuff"? It feels so good share.
Actually, I think that we rely on Laura's expertise in spotting the next trend. I have several things via Ann, which have enriched my kitchen life. The crock pot is still old, but it works great. And sorry to disappoint you this morning, Dwight. I had to water the plants and the garden first, plus hoe a few weeds, deadhead, etc. before I could play. Isn't life fun?
Let's see. So today Ann is selling hand held scanners, Bosch mixers and plastic bread bags. Remember when Mother used to save her plastic bag from the one loaf of store-bought bread and use it over and over for her homemade style? What is Ann's commission on these above mentioned objects?
Ah, Dwight, now you've got me. The picture of the white translucent rose was exquisite, but then you had to put one of my very favorite pictures from our childhood on at the top of the blog. I yield. You are correct, as always. Ann leads the way, Judy resists, Louise ignores, and I bite. Judy could always get me to buy more fabric than I needed - and it was always in colors she could wear. By the way, I've got a wonderful table top convection oven sort of thing that is supposed to bake meat, etc. beautifully; I've used it unsatisfactorily twice, and it takes up huge room in the cupboard. Never watch infomercials when you are sick.
Priceless comments. Reminds me of the ants that all gather around a little crumb on my kitchen floor and they won't leave it alone.
I collect pine cones, they aren't particularly trendy, but we have a very prolific pine tree in front of the shop, I have bushels. If I bought any of these broilers, grillers, sewers or door stops I would only use the boxes to store the cones. Sigh, then I would be forced to sell said items on Craig's List for pennies on the dollar, but I would have the boxes as a reminder; DON'T DO IT AGAIN.
Not selling, just planting seeds for future possibilities. Life is good.
Steve, tell me why the pine cones land standing up when they fall from the tree? I suppose it's a matter of gravity, but who knows?
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