Saturday, December 3, 2011

December 3, 2011: A Letter to My Siblings

Dear Ann:
Two days ago Velna reminded me it was your birthday.  Of course, I knew that already.  That was the day I walked downtown to urban Powell and noted Dr. Coulston's Cadillac was gone behind the Coulston Clinic where it always was parked.  I put two and two together and when I got home, sure enough, there she was.  I never could figure out why anyone else ever thought this was such a big surprise.  Anybody could have figured this one out.  I do remember you made a lot of racket, but we didn't seem to mind since you were somewhat of a celebrity.

I am proposing that on the 1st day of each month you post the stuff you have bought during the previous month, or that you are thinking of buying this month.  Explain the reasons why everyone else should also buy it.  Then make sure you buy it yourself instead of sending us all of to the store while you laugh your head off at home at how gullible we are.  The lastest: My $30 nucular powered S&P shakers. Ann offered me a free lunch, not knowing how expensive it was going to be. Then she hustled me off to Costco and headed with warp speed to the location on the shelves.  Now she is peddling dirt.  Listen up.  Or better yet set up your own Ann's Terribly Interesting Infomercial Network."    But what would we do without you?

Dear Liz:
You may be the most gullible among us, I thought, until I heard Judy actually forked over a boatload of cash to buy a book Ann recommended.  Are you kidding?  I couldn't ever get her to part with a $20 bill to give to Robert.  But you have the most melodious laugh and the longest and most involved phone answering message.  And you do use big words once in awhile to remind us you were an English teacher.  Or something.

Dear Steve:
How much stuff have you bought that Ann talked you in to?  You may be the wisest one amongst us since as you say, you are not here to get personal pressure and influence to part with your hard earned cash so you will have something later for garage sales and to store in your store room.  We're all happy you are making stuff again.  Send pictures.  Tell Mary Lynn you are sorry.  She'll know for what.

Dear Louise:
We're all happy you got new shingles on your roof and that the storm didn't blow them all off.  Do you remember when you learned a naughty word at school and brought it home and you and I repeated it millions of times in the front yard of the original Penrose house and laughed and laughed and laughed?  I still laugh every time I hear or see that word.  We're all happy that you are happy.  We just need to hear a word or two on blogs once in awhile.  Like, "Good morning. I am fine? How are you? Love, Louise."  Stuff like that.  So we know you're o.k.

Dear whoever is left.  Let's see.  Ann, Liz, Steve, Louise.  Oh yeah, Dear Judy:
Last but not least.  What can I say? I'm living in shock at what a spendthrift you turned out to be. Thank you for checking up on me and Velna so often.  I try not to commit any egregious sins in between your calls.  And we're all amazed at all the things you do--RS, gardening, kid tending, phone calling, doing good works of all kinds and manner. 

There we are.  All six of us.  Can you imagine how empty our lives would be, each without all the other five?
Love, Dwight

17 comments:

Steve Blood said...

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED!!!

Ann said...

I couldn't have asked for a better note on this cold Saturday morning. Love you.

Elizabeth said...

I laughed so hard, I cried (as I am about ready to purchase dirt to gag down). Dwight, this is the greatest Christmas-or-any-day present. i am so glad that you are writing again, that I refuse to even try to correct one word or sentence in this memorable little family essay and summing up of our wonderful relationship! Love you!

Judy said...

Okay, Louise, what was THE WORD? So is this where the power of persuasion (or the desire to act because a sibling suggested it would be to our betterment) began? For instance to whom do we give credit for Dwight entering the pages of this blog again? Especially when he told me this week he thought that life was done. You are right, as good as one or two of us are :).....it is not the same if a single one is missing. All five of you are miracles to me.

Steve Blood said...

Speaking of purchases, isn't there a mat cutter floating around somewhere?

Louise Blood said...

This is choice, it was fun to read what you wrote to each one. I am blessed to have a family who stay so close to each other and care for one another. I know that I don't always hold up my end, but know that I do love each one of you. I thnk things, but don't always carry through.
I can't for the life of me remember THE word, but I'm sorry if I led you astray, Dwight. Do you dare print the word? Judy is curious.

Dwight said...

Where is the mat cutter?

Ann said...

I don't have it (mat cutter). It's in your stuff.
In defense of the S&P expedition, I think you asked about going to the local "buy amazing stuff" store, which I obligingly facilitated. There is a certain amount of an ego boost to think I can provide an avenue of enlightenment and fun for any of my older siblings.

Dwight said...

Yes you are right, but you, like Eve, showed me the apple. Why did I bite? The mat cutter has gone AWOL. Have no idea. When I find, I will return to you, free of charge. By the way, the S&P shakers don't hold much. Have to keep filling them. Beware. Now on to the oil misters.

Louise Blood said...

Can we leave the mat cutter for a bit and get on to more important matters, such as what was THE word? By the way, I am totally innocent about the mat cutter as I never got in it in the beginning. See what I miss?

Steve Blood said...

but the mat cutter is important..(Mary Lynn seems to remember that it might have been given to Carolyn out of frustration.)

Ann said...

Louise, is THE WORD referring to any bit of wisdom you provide? The mat cutter is something Dwight bought from me because he was going to make mats until he discovered he could artificially create mats by using a photo matting program on the computer. He took the path of less work - computer vs beautiful, handmade mats.
Dwight, the S&P hold enough to last two minimal salt user for a whole month. As to the mat cutter, Steve's thought could be right on target. Oil misters are lacking in quality. Just use a pat of butter and call it good.

Dwight said...

The word rhymes with naughty. We had never heard it before. We applied to everyone we didn't like.Just wanted to put you all out of your misery. But we did laugh a lot. Have a nice day. Saved me from buying the oil misters. What is wrong with them? Awaiting next Annie Informercial.

Judy said...

I'm dense. Can't think of a single sound alike word. I guess I will remain in darkness. Dwight, I think Ann is trying to tell you that you use too much salt. For someone on a low salt diet......Also I just want all to know that this is my easiest Christmas ever because I followed Ann's directions. Ann, Dwight bought the mat cutter from you, but I think I remember an unusual way he paid for it????

Louise Blood said...

Okay, gotcha. Dwight. I still can't remember the incident, though. It'll come to you, Judy. I am completely innocent of ever having using that word since. (??)
As to the mat cutter, it seems like that subject came up a while back. Still not solved?
What is so special about the S&P shakers?

Elizabeth said...

Time for another add-on. The word - one we never used ever after. (although I certainly did not use it at the time.) I couldn't get it, either, Judy - if it's not in your vocabulary, you just can't reach for it. Dwight, you are obviously using too much salt. And an oil mister is definitely not necessary. Oh, yes, and I do have a mat cutter, not Ann's - or is it Dwight's? if anyone wants to borrow it. I even have one that allows you to put free-hand designs in your mat. Look at what you're missing. (Haven't used it since we moved to Preston.)

Dwight said...

Ann, Costco guarantees satisfaction so if your oil misters are a serious mistake, take them back and get a refund. But for your next promotional event, I suggest you have a six month trial period to see how it works out before you get us all excited about your latest discovery. Just a thought.