A Letter to My Siblings

Much time has gone by since I updated the stuff I know that may have heretofore gone unnoticed, unappreciated, or just plain ignored, to wit:

1. Ann has abandoned her nucular powered salt and pepper shakers.  Apparently her grandchildren think they are fun toys and so she had to put them away.  Sad.  She did, however, haul me to Costco soon after she bought hers where I foolishly bought my set.  I got back from St. George this year, and the batteries were dead in both the salt and the pepper shakers.  I put about 10 bucks worth of batteries in the salt shaker, which doesn't hold much sea salt anyway.  For pepper, I decided to give my Costco Tellicherry black pepper grinder a mild twist and thereby, voila, I have pepper without firing up my nucular powered pepper shaker with another ten bucks of batteries.  Moral:  if Ann tempts you to buy something, always wait at least two years to see if she has junked, abandoned, or donated it to DI.
2. Ann and Paul have the only bunch of chickens herded by a dog and a cat.
3. Ann's latest is 69 bucks spent on a Panini press with a two sided grill.  A Panini press, for the uninitated, is a press that squooshes decorative ridges into a sandwich, flattening all the stuff in the sandwich to boot.  But, she says, she can turn the grid over and fry an egg.  But from whence does the egg come from?  Not from the herd of chickens in her yard.
4. Louise has recuperated, apparently, from her awful bout with bronchitis or whatever she had, lucky that it wasn't pneumonia.  We assume she is back at her quilt factory churning them out one by one.
5. Judy walks on the wet grass in the middle of the night to ease her burning feet.  When I wake up in the night, I picture her out there, and communicate with her.  This is kind of eerie, ghostlike, sort of.  What will she do in the winter?
6. For those not in on the know, Judy left her Bosch mixer, some 40 years old or so, sitting on the counter mixing bread dough or such when she went in the other room.  Said Bosch decided to dance a jig, dancing itself off the counter, on to the floor, shattering into bits, throwing dough all over the floor, walls, and kitchen.  I asked her what she said.  She said, I said, "damn."  So now she has a spiffy new Bosch and has sense enough to stand watch over it every moment it is on and a huge load of guilt for saying damn.  Mother would have been proud.
7. Liz says her new pace maker is a Model T or Model A variety, whereas Ron has a Cadillac pacemaker.  Is this fair?
8. I have admonished Liz to hurry and get home because I noticed that her fabric stash is not all color coordinated.
9. Steve, from latest reports, is busy making furniture and posting fake pictures of locomotives chugging into Frannie.  I have thought seriously about relocating in Frannie since Steve posted this picture.  For one thing, Frannie is just Fannie with an R.  For two things, Frannie has a lot of urban amenities that Penrose doesn't have and you are closer to Deaver and Cowley, a huge advantage.
10. As for Velna and me, we voted straight party line on our absentee ballot and mailed it today, thus reminding ourselves that we are disenfranchised in the state of Utah where 98% of the vote is Republican no matter who should be elected or not, the magic letter in the ballot box is the letter "R".  We didn't even wait for the rest of the "debates" to decide who to vote for.

I hope this update has been informative and has provided you with the necessary information to guide your lives for the indefinite future.  As further tidbits become revealed to me, I will pass them along post haste, and if they are juicy or significant enough, I will pass them along even faster than that.